It’s been one year today since my mother passed away to her heavenly life. They like to say that it gets better with time, easier, not as raw. NOPE. I don’t agree. With each passing day we miss her more and more. There’s lots of firsts in the year someone passes away, but fortunate for us she was there at every single first for her family. She never missed anything for her kids and grandkids while on earth. This is us, our thoughts one year later.
I did a little Q&A with the family because a good life is not something to waste. My mother was a testament to the old saying “when life gives you lemons…….. Talk about a woman who persevered through adversity, had a can-do attitude and always did it with a smile no matter what thoughts or fear she had behind it.
I hope this provokes some thoughts of appreciation for you….
The questions I asked: What do you miss most about Gram/Mom? What have you learned in the last year since she left us?
“I miss my daily calls to Mom talking many times throughout the day.” “I have learned to treasure everyday and everyone because you never know when a loved one will leave you.
“I miss getting her lottery tickets for her.” We all know that was her favorite way to occupy her time! Ken states he’s learned a lot about her and her family and what family is about over the past year.
“I miss having someone to gossip with and confide in who withholds all judgement. I miss calling her and hearing her say “YELLOW?!” 🙂 instead of hello 🙂 “I’ve learned, more than ever, the impact you can have on someone’s life by putting their needs before your own and how rewarding that is?”
Matt as Mal’s boyfriend arrived to the family in her later years states: “What I miss most about Grammy is listening to her tell stories to her daughters and sisters.” “At first, it seemed funny to see this gossiping and talking about people I had no idea about but came to realize that Grammy saw it as her responsibility to look out for her family and by chatting with all sources, she could be sure her loved ones were safe and healthy. “If there was trouble though, she had no problem telling the hard truth and spent no time to beat around the bush!” Matt states he loved that she had no time for bullshit! 🙂 “It’s amazing what a big heart she had, and it was awesome to witness her love in action.” What Matt states he learned: “While this past year has been tough, I’ve managed to put more time into looking out for my own family, and I’ve come to respect Grammy more because it’s stressful putting the woes of loved ones on your own back!” “I have been learning the true meaning of the expression “labor of love” as it’s easy to pretend like every thing is fine (when it’s not) while it’s hard to delve deep and empathize with people I care about.” “Grammy’s legacy of love motivates me to continue trying to do the right thing, especially when it’s not the easiest path!”
“I miss her welcoming smile when I walked through the door whether it was when she had her own home or when I walked through the door when she was in our home” She always had a welcoming warm smile.”
“I’ve learned that you can never forget that feeling of what it’s like to have a loved one near you.” “It’s an ache that never goes away.”
James states “I can’t give you what I miss most about Grandma.” “I miss everything about Grandma.” 🙁 (OMG this brought tears to my eyes) James also states… “I’ve learned that even though she’s not here everything is going to be okay.”
What do I miss most. I can’t leave it to just one. I miss opening my door and seeing my mother sitting in her chair because she was always there for me. She would patiently sit and listen to me vent, laugh at my stupid ways, comfort me when I needed it and tell me to get a grip when I needed a reality check! I miss her cooking, I miss talking recipes and watching the food network with her for hours in a day. I miss listening to her talk to her sisters on the phone as crazy as they could drive you, I miss it. I miss how she loved my son James, unconditionally even when I disagreed with the matter at hand. I miss how she would call my cell phone because she was worried about me when I wasn’t home by the time she thought I should be. I just miss her presence…
What I’ve learned since my mother left us is what I learned as I prepared for her funeral and looked at pictures and heard stories about her. I am still amazed at her approach to life…even with the cards she was dealt she made the most of it. She always had a bright smile, looked at things with a can-do attitude, her kindness to others and her sense of putting others before self. I learned that through it all she had a god damn good time! I am not sure I’ve totally called all of it into action yet as it’s a work in progress, but I’ve learned I want to approach life more like my mother did.
In ending, YOLO people – you only have one life – go live it.